A Walk in the Woods (a journey)

By: Pam L

(Based on an actual experience hiking in the Porcupine Mountains, MI)

I am walking on a trail through the woods. It is a beautiful summer day, with clear blue sky and patches of sunshine coming through the tall canopy of the trees. The trail is old and well worn. The hard packed dirt makes it easy to walk on, but gnarly twisted roots puncture the surface without warning, making me watch my steps with care.

I hike along, taking in the beauty of the dense green woods all around me. To my left, down a steep embankment, is the rushing river, flowing over rapids and falls on its way to the great lake beyond. Other than the sounds of the river, and a few birds and small animals, it is quiet along this stretch of the trail. I haven’t seen anyone else in some time. I feel like I have the woods to myself for the moment, enjoying it with all my senses, and feeling very much alive and connected to nature.

Suddenly, I hear footfalls on the path behind me. Not just the sound of one or two, but a small group. I feel startled. It must be that some other hikers have quickly come up behind me on the trail without my noticing. How could I have missed that?

I stop and turn to look, intending to get out of their way. But to my surprise, there is nothing there. Absolutely nothing. A shudder runs through my entire body. I know I heard them. I did not make this up. But there is nothing there.

I turn back and continue walking the trail, feeling a bit shaken. The footsteps behind me start up again. I feel the spider senses all over my body on full alert. My heart is pounding. My mind is racing.

I hear the footfalls behind me just as plain as day; there is no mistaking them. If I walk faster, they walk faster. If I slow down, they slow down. If I stop, they stop. This is very disturbing. There is an invisible group of hikers behind me on the trail walking in lock-step with me! What is going on here? I cannot see them, but they are clearly there. Am I in danger? Are they a threat? I cannot tell.

There is clearing ahead where the trail widens into an open space under the trees. I stop there and turn to face my invisible stalkers. I sense them cluster in an unseen group, giving me their full attention.

I speak to them as if they are really there! I feel pretty certain that they are. I ask them who they are. I ask them what they want. There is no reply.

I ask them to pass me and go on ahead down the trail. I do not want them following me anymore, whoever they are. There is no movement.

There is nothing there but mysterious silence. Yet, I sense their presence.

I turn to start walking again, unsure what to do. They have refused to pass me, and stubbornly follow behind me, as before. I’m not sure what to make of it, whether to be excited or scared.

As we all walk on, I gradually begin to feel less fearful and more comfortable with them trailing behind me back there. I start to feel a little like a scout leader taking my troop out for a hike in the woods. They appear to be loyal little troopers, following my lead with every step. In a strange way, I feel these little followers respect me and look up to me in some way. I feel myself becoming more accepting of their presence.

I walk on and begin to think about other things again. I see another clearing ahead, just off the trail to the right. It is an open space in the trees, with sun light shining directly down into it, forming a great pool of light on the ground. I step off the trail and into the pool of light. It feels so good, so warming, so reassuring. It seems to remove all remaining traces of my fear.  

Some days later, I learn an interesting theory. . . that these mysterious footfalls on the path behind me that day might be some of my past lives, wanting to come “home”. They could be parts of myself that I had rejected in the past, when I felt unworthy, or a failure, or judged something I did as bad or wrong. They have been with me ever since, following me around, wanting to be brought back into the fold.

I sit down with myself and speak to them as if this is exactly who they are. Their showing up is a signal to me that I am ready to heal and become whole. I tell them that my door is open, and I am willing to bring them back in. I choose to let them be a part of who I am, once again.