Freeing Ourselves From Victimization

By: Jen Recoy Moore

There are few things in life that are more bitter than feeling victimized by another. Being victimized can lead to feelings of betrayal, loss, anger, hatred, and even vengeance. But these negative emotions only create additional turmoil, leaving one in a dark state of discomfort and anxiety. They can block feelings of joy and happiness, and can create actual physical suffering and if left to fester, can even possibly cause disease. But what if you had the key to letting go of these powerfully negative feelings? The key to letting go of feeling victimized, to feeling empowered, hopeful, perhaps even joyful again? Well, believe it or not - it is all within your grasp - you do indeed hold this key! You just need to learn how to use it to unlock your emotional freedom!

If you are reading this, I believe it is fair to assume that you can relate to the feeling of being victimized. Perhaps you are seeking answers as to the ‘why’s’ of these feelings. You may be searching for a way to make sense of your experiences, rediscover your happiness, and gain your emotional freedom. I am going to share my experience with victimization and how I found my way through it and perhaps it will help you to do the same.

In an oversimplification of circumstances, I will simply say that I once had a very great deal of money stolen from me by someone I loved and trusted completely - I was also married to him. It was emotionally and financially devastating. It forced me into foreclosure on my home and eventually resulted in bankruptcy, ruining my formally perfect credit score. As one can imagine, it also ultimately led to a divorce. So then I had no money, no home, and no marriage!

I was so angry, bitter, and feeling so betrayed and victimized! I thought about it all obsessively. How could I have missed the signs? How could he betray me so easily? How did I get into this mess?? And even - How could I get even with him?! I wasn’t quite sure what to do with all of the overwhelming feelings swirling around inside my mind! These thoughts hounded me for many days and sleepless nights. But once the dust had settled a bit, and I had the presence of mind to reflect on the experience, I realized I had actually overlooked many warning signs, and had ignored my inner guiding voice that was trying desperately to be heard. This realization required some brutal honesty with myself about the role I had played in my own circumstances and it was shocking and difficult to admit.

I could have then turned the tables on myself and beat my self worth to bits over my missteps. But instead, I began to look at what I had learned, and realized that the experience gained was part of my soul’s educational process and an important part of my personal growth. I finally decided I could continue to remain feeling helpless, hopeless and victimized, or I could take control of the story and view it as a very expensive ‘soul class’. From this ‘class’ I learned to trust my inner guidance when something or someone doesn’t feel quite true and right. In addition to learning to trust my instincts more, I learned a great deal about humility, and I developed a deep understanding and empathy for others in similar situations, and I learned just how resilient, resourceful, and strong I really am.

For me, the key to doing this was choosing to change my perspective from believing I had been victimized, to believing this was a learning opportunity in which I too had played a role. I also believe it was a necessary experience for my personal growth, and one I now need never repeat! The decision to change my way of thinking was an important turning point in my life. It gave me back my personal power, wrestling it away from my ‘victimizer’ (finally evicting him from my mind where he had taken up residence). I had the freedom to choose how to interpret my own experience, and what I was to learn from it. The sense of having personal control and freedom was a powerful realization! And thus - wisdom was acquired.

I now look at these experiences as part of my soul’s education, and the wisdom and insight I have gained as the gifts of this education. I have learned that I have the power to choose what or how I think. It is totally under my control. My thoughts can liberate me - or they can imprison me. I can choose to change my thoughts or not. My emotions are based only on my own limited perspectives and perceptions, so I try looking at things from the opposite perspective. I have changed my thinking from ‘what have I lost’ to ‘what have I learned and gained from this experience’.

I have also learned that feeling victimized takes away our personal power and gives it all to the person or circumstance that wronged us! Holding onto that feeling only traps one in a moment in time, and prevents us from growing and moving forward. We can choose to create our own reality and to perceive life in our own way. We can choose to define our own experiences!

Wisdom gained from reflection allows us to avoid past behaviors and mistakes, and allows us to make better choices for ourselves, and to make sense of where we have been and what we have experienced. We may even choose to appreciate these difficult challenges, and feel gratitude toward them for all we have gained. We can choose to let go of negative feelings knowing we have control over our next steps and our future choices, and are now armed with experiential wisdom to make more informed choices moving forward